As I type this I am watching a pretty wild and rambunctious pillow fight taking place on my bed.  The toddler and the six year old are going at it with gusto, as I protect the baby girl from their flailing arms. The computer is bouncing up and down, I just got a foot in my face and I am about to ban them from my bedroom…

….but I stop myself because this morning I have a fresh awareness that these moments are fleeting and will all too soon give way to the solitude that comes with grown up children and an “empty nest”.  I decide to stop wishing for some peace and quiet and just take it all in.  Perhaps I have an advantage that other moms with hyped up, super energetic young ones don’t have – after all how many mothers of wee ones just drove their eldest child to the airport to wave goodbye as she went off to her second year of college?  How many have a baby wrapping her fingers tightly around their thumb while not wanting to let go of the hand of  their  adult child? How many mommy’s are living both ends of the spectrum at once? Yes, that is one of the advantages of having children over a span of two decades…perspective.

I know many of my friends are at the tail end of their parenting years. They have two or perhaps three children all close in age who one by one are headed out the door leaving an emptiness, strange quietness and hole in their hearts along with the question…”Where did the time go?”  They long to go back in time to the days when their children were young and all under their roof.

I also have several friends with many little ones clinging to their knees who would love a moment of peace and quiet or would pay big money just to have time alone.  They think that this season will never end where they often cannnot even get in a shower, rarely hold an adult conversation and are always exhausted from the never ending job of being a Mom.

What I want to say to those about to have a completely empty nest – embrace this new season of life.  Be the best parent to your adult children that you can be.  Spend time praying for them.  Finish that scrapbook you started when they were babies (or that you thought about starting).  Be encouraging & uplifting – supporting their decisions and giving wisdom and advice when you are asked (they likely won’t listen to you anyway if you give it before they ask). Use your new free time to make a positive difference in the world and impact those around you.  Remember all those things you wished you could do when the kids were little?  Do them! (hmmm or here is an option – you could always adopt a child and begin again!)

And to those stressed out, overworked, about to go crazy mommy’s of little ones, I want to say –  Don’t wish it away.  Enjoy this season.  Relax. Let things go and don’t be so uptight.  So what if your house is a mess, you have days where you never get dressed, your to do list never gets completely done, your children are not perfectly “coiffed” or you just can’t seem to keep it all together.  It is ok. Make memories with your children. Love them and enjoy them at every stage -

• Snuggle that newborn in your neck, rock them to sleep, smell their amazing aroma, stare in wonder at their fingers & toes
• Watch your infant sleep peacefully – breathe in & out in their rythm, tickle their tummies and take in that unbridled laughter, spend hours looking into their pure eyes and trying to make them smile
• Play with your toddler, get on the floor and crawl around in the dirt with them, explore with them all the things that catch their attention
• Laugh at the temper tantrums, sing “Fits are the pits”, “I’m allergic to griping” or some other song when inappropriate behavior pops up (discipline can be fun too…for you anyway – I could actually put on make up or eat a cookie with my coffee during time outs!)
• 
• Read with your children – even if it is the same book over & over. Teach them to read. Tell them stories. Lay in bed with them & let them come in bed with you
• Let them have pillow fights, horse play and jump on the bed . Squirt whip cream right into their mouths, be spontaneous and fun – it is ok….no it is great to let them run in the rain, get muddy,  jump in puddles, climb trees, go swimming in the winter, skip school for a day, eat pie for breakfast. (my list goes on & on – as long as it is legal & moral)
• 
• Blow bubbles with them, swing together, have tea parties, play games, turn up the music loud & sing together, dance with them , laugh with them and cry with them.
• Go to their games, school events, productions, activities and concerts.  Cheer wildly. Take pictures.
• Let your teenagers sleep in, be respectfully opinionated and even occasionally roll their eyes (in fact have an eye rolling competition! I win every time!) Walk away and do not engage when they are “having one of those days”.
• Open your home and heart to their friends, take an interest in their passions and pursuits.
• Kiss them good morning, good bye & goodnight. Be generous with your affection and tell them you love them at every opportunity
• 

Whatever season of parenting you are in – make the most of every moment, celebrate everything and enjoy the precious gifts of life you have been blessed with - your children.

This past Sunday was a very special day.

 We dedicated our dear Christiana to the Lord during the Sunday morning service at our church. As our entire family stood along with our pastor and his wife before our church family and dedicated this newest blessing back to the God who gave her to us I was overcome with emotion on many levels.

 I was filled with joy that God has chosen to bless us with this precious life.

I was filled with love for Christiana, my amazing husband, my beautiful children, my extended family, my pastors and my church family.

 I was filled with peace knowing that this child belongs to the Lord and that He is in control of her life.

 I was filled with hope, awe & wonder at the knowledge that God has a very special and unique plan for her life and that she will certainly be called by God to do great & mighty things for His kingdom.

 As I stood there and looked out on the congregation, it hit me that 20 years ago in 1989 we had brought our first born daughter, Michelle to that very same altar, at that very same church and dedicated her to the Lord. Over the past two decades, everyone of our eight children has been dedicated to the Lord at this same altar.

 It also hit me that this is a rarity in our modern day mobile society where for one reason or another folks seem to switch churches every few years.

 I officially joined this church 26 years ago as a single young college student who after spending the summer as their youth intern decided that I wanted to become a part of this church family. My now husband, Dan became an official member after he decided to commit to being a part of the volunteer youth staff almost 25 years ago.

 One of the benefits of staying put over all these years is that many of our important spiritual milestones have taken place within those church walls and with our church family.

•  Dan proposed to me at the altar at the conclusion of our youth service on March 18, 1986 (and I said yes!)
• We were given counseling and married by the staff of this church and held our wedding reception in that very same sanctuary.
• We served on staff as youth pastors of our church for four years.
• Besides all of our children being dedicated to the Lord at that altar – one was saved during a children’s puppet crusade there (all the others prayed to receive Christ at home other than one who happened to be at a local gas station), three have been baptized in water at the church, four have been crowned an honor star through the outstanding girls ministry of Missionettes and two have held their Rite of Passage ceremony in the chapel.
• We have sat in the same section in the front left hand side faithfully every Sunday and worshipped together, prayed together, given offerings together, been convicted, inspired, amused and yes even sometimes put to sleep, by the messages, gone to the altar for prayer and ministered to others all in that sanctuary.
• We have taught Sunday School, worked in the nursery, volunteered in children’s ministry, attended special events, rejoiced along with dozens of young couples as they were wed, watched multitudes of baby dedications, baptisms and celebrated the lives of precious saints who went home to be with the Lord…all in that very same building.

 Now perhaps you might be thinking, that we found the perfect church since we have stayed and remained faithful all these years.   The messages must always be compelling, funny and interesting. The programs must be comprehensive and state of the art with something for everyone from infants to senior citizens. The music must be perfect and pleasing to everyone. The pastor and staff must be kind, compassionate, forgiving, wise, moral, charismatic, friendly, organized, effective communicators, dynamic leaders, ready to drop everything when you need them and willing to go the extra mile. The people there must be wonderful, supporting, encouraging, loving, serving one another – never gossiping, backbiting, complaining, grumbling  or…..

 …..oh wait – are you laughing yet?

 No, my home church is just like every church I know – full of imperfections, flaws, problems and frustrations.

 We have had some very amazing and awesome times at our church and we have had some very troubling and terrible times as well.  There has even been the “in between” rather dull and boring years with not much happening at all. We have seen hundreds if not thousands of lives dramatically impacted and we have seen people hurt and become bitter and angry.  We have gone through three pastors, five children’s pastors, six worship leaders and seven youth pastors. We have experienced an abundance of resources as well as times where we did not know if we would be able to turn on the lights the next Sunday.  We have had seasons of favor in the community and years marked with scandal.  We have seen people come and people go (and even come back again several times)  We have seen them trickle out because they were unhappy with this or that or because they were searching for better preaching or programs and we have seen them leave in droves because of some controversy, offense, disagreement or because of the latest and greatest new church starting up across town.

 And yet through it all….we have stayed.

 Why??? I am glad you asked.

We have stayed because we see commitment to our local church family the same way we see our commitment to our marriage and family.  We have made the commitment for the “long haul” – in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health and hopefully until death do us part.

Now of course their could be legitimate reasons to leave a church – like moving miles away, being called to minister to another congregation, if the church was to start heretical preaching (I’ll call this church adultery since they are forsaking the true Jesus – I might not leave for this but rather stay and fight but I do understand those that do leave for heresy)  or if their is abuse going on from leadership (one of the reasons I have chosen to stay in a church denomination that has a governing body over the local church that can intervene when leadership goes awry – non denominational churches lack such accountability) – but unfortunately the vast majority of people who leave a church do so, not for the reasons stated above, but because they:

• are unhappy, frustrated or bored with the services, teaching or music
• are not “getting fed” (ie – want the preaching to be dynamic, motivating and challenging)
• want a better nursery, children’s or youth services, Sunday school or other program they deem vital
• are angry at some church decision, the leadership or policies
• things are not new & exciting enough
• someone has ticked them off, offended, hurt or sinned against them

Now, I don’t know about you but I would not leave my marriage or trade in my family for any of those reasons.  Yes, there are times I am unhappy, bored, angry, hurt, frustrated and not very content with both my marriage and my family. Yes, there are times I want change or feel the need to have something new & exciting but that does not cause me to run off with a new guy or leave my children. And of course on occasion I long for a bigger house equipped with the all the” bells & whistles” and yet that is not what makes a house a home it is my family and our years of memories together that are the most important.

Since the Bible compares Christ and His commitment and love for His church to marriage and how it should operate – I think that we should all more seriously consider our commitment to the church as well.

Maybe it is time to stop church hopping. Maybe it’s time to make a commitment to a body of believers and stick with it.  Maybe it’s time to:

• pray during service if your unhappy or frustrated (or look for someone to minister to)
• feed yourself! (one of my biggest pet peeves is when adult Christians say “ I am not getting fed”. Really? Grow up & feed yourself)
• volunteer to make your church programs better or realize that perfect programs are really not that vital compared to what you are teaching your children about commitment & faithfulness by sticking it out through the good, bad & the ugly
• graciously and humbly communicate with your church leadership when you are concerned or have problems and at the same time let them know that you will not leave if things don’t change or go your way
• trust God that He is using the leadership of your church in your life for good even if they make wrong decisions or policies
• forgive those church members who sin against you (definition of forgiveness here – throw it in the sea of forgetfulness and remember it no more – you know – like what Jesus has promised to do for you…whew!)
• remember that “new & exciting” is fun while it lasts….but it always, always, always ends up being old & routine. (so start seeing that as solid, secure, consistent and faithful)
• “get over it” and realize that there is no perfect church – expect that you will at times be unhappy, frustrated, hurt and offended and enjoy the other times when you are thrilled, excited, amazed, touched, loved and blessed. Just like it is at home.

I believe that we have been blessed beyond measure by making such a unshakable commitment to our local church.  I also believe that the Lord is pleased that we have chosen faithfulness, commitment, forgiveness, long suffering and love over taking the easy way and “jumping ship” when we were unhappy, offended or discontent.

My one regret is that there are only a handful of others in our church who also chose to have that same type of commitment.  Oh how I would have loved to look out at that congregation on Sunday and seen the hundreds of church family members who were there when I became a member in September of 1983, who celebrated with us as we were married in 1986, who were there to commit to helping us raise our children up in the Lord as we brought each one of them to the altar and who played with them in the nursery, taught their Sunday School classes and led their Missionette clubs . Instead most of those folks are scattered throughout churches in our county, yes serving the Lord and yes still part of the greater body of Christ and while we have done our best to stay connected it is just not the same. We have all missed out on the joy, love and blessings of being an intimate “forever church family” while here on earth.

I hope and pray that my children as they grow up and settle down wherever the Lord leads them that they will find a church family that they will commit to and that they will be blessed to have members with that same commitment.  Does that exist anymore? I believe it can if we each just start today with our own decision to commit to our church family…..forever.

Just home from our annual camping trip in Lake Tahoe and thought the timing was perfect to publish a previously written post  as it applies as much today as it did two years ago when I wrote it.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

You see, the “master” bathroom in our 50+ year old home is not usually my favorite place to be.  While I dream of having a large beautiful bathroom complete with a jacuzzi tub, a huge waterfall type shower with a place to sit down to shave, “his & her” sinks and a self enclosed tiolet (so I can still get to my stuff when dear darling hubby has taken the sports page into his favorite reading place)….what I actually have in reality is:

• a teeny tiny bathroom (I can touch all four walls when I stand in the middle of the room!)
• with a door that hits my knees when the 4 year old barges in to ask Mommy something vitally important
•  what I call an “ugly gas station” sink (with a hole the size of my fist in the porcelin)
• and then a shower that if you bend down and attempt to wash your feet you bang both your head and your tail end on the tile wall. 
• To top it off it was built with poor ventilation resulting in a regular battle against mold and the water damage beneath the linoleum is so scary that I joke with my girls that someday they will awake in the morning to find that Mommy has fallen thru the floor of the shower and is screaming as she fights off all the vermin that live below our foundation.

Yet even with all its complexities and problems, when I returned home last night covered with layers & layers of “magnetic Camp Richardson dirt” (if you have ever camped in South Lake Tahoe…you know exactly what I am talking about if not – see photo to the left of Daniel’s dirty face while camping this past week!), my bathroom turned into the most desired room in our house!  As we unpacked the car, began the mountain of laundry, cleaned all the camping gear, restocked & put it away for the next adventure all I could think about was getting into that bathroom.  It became the center of my focus and I wasn’t thinking about all its flaws…I was only thinking that it was my bathroom(complete with my germs & mold…which somehow seem cleaner than in public bathrooms).  I looked forward with joy to getting into that small shower and just standing there letting the steaming hot water pour over my entire body.  I relished the thought of every part of my bathroom experience!  It became my oasis!

What changed?  Not my bathroom….it was exactly the same as it has always been.  No, what changed was me and my perspective!  Isn’t it amazing how if we simply adjust our perspective and choose to change the way we see things we can go from disgruntled and unhappy with something….to satisfied, content and even possibly excited about it? 

Perhaps you are not particularly thrilled with a piece of your life right now.  What can you do to change your perspective?  How can you begin to look at the situation, circumstance or person through a different lens?

If you are unhappy in a relationship with a family member, spouse, child or friend….how can you begin to look at that person in a new way?  Can you overlook their faults and flaws and choose to concentrate on and look at the good things they add to your life?

If you are a stressed out Mommy of many little ones and feeling overwhelmed & exhausted….what can you do to look at this short time of your life and savor the moments instead of wishing them away? (they will be gone sooner than you want!) Can you forget the “to do list” or the desire for perfection and just play with and enjoy your children in the midst of all the undone things?

If you are struggling with the work load at home or in the office (even if your office is just steps from your kitchen!)….what can you do to change your perspective? Can you appreciate the fact that you have a home that requires lots of hard work and that you have a job that pays the bills…think of what life would be like without your home or work. Can you begin to “whistle while you work” or remember Mary Poppins advice..”In every job that must be done there is an element of fun”?

If everything you own seems to be old, falling apart, breaking down or in need of major repair….can you begin to look at your many blessings (even if they are “tattered & torn”) through the eyes of those who have nothing? (if that’s hard for you…perhaps a missions trip to the slums of Mexico may help you..it certainly has worked for us!)

If you are heavy laden & burdened by financial strain….can you take one day at a time and trust that the God who feeds the creatures of the earth & dresses the flowers in the fields will certainly provide for your needs? Can you choose to be content in all circumstances?

If you are facing major health issues or other overwhelming circumstances in your life that are causing you to be sad, scared or depressed….can you think on the positive purpose these things will perhaps potentially add to your life.  Can you focus on the little joys in life (like the laughter of a new baby, smell of a fresh pot of coffee brewing, beauty in a flower, hug from a dear friend, a breathtaking sunset, clean smelling bed sheets…the list goes on & on) even when it is compromised by crisis?

Changing your perspective will not necessarily change the “facts” of your life!   Many of us will still have problems in our relationships, stresses in our lives, overwhelming circumstances and things we wish would change even if we choose to look at them differently. I still have a tiny, moldy, flawed bathroom….yet today I see it differently and I am a happier, more contented person because of it. 

Changing your perspective will change you!

Lately I have been coming in contact with more and more people who seem to have a common philosophy on life - the general theme is that they have “no regrets”  in life about anything.  It often seems to come across with a bit of pomp and arrogance that says even though they have not lived a “perfect”  life  or that they have made some mistakes, none of it matters as long as they see it as an “experience”. They also follow it up with abundant clarity that no one better even suggest that they think any differently.

Another common characteristic I have found in many with this philosophy, is that they are typically in the younger ”under 30″  (which is quickly becoming the new “under 40″) crowd. Perhaps they just have not yet had enough life experience to realize that it is ok and actually even helpful  to regret something you did or didn’t do in life, even if it, in the end, worked out or caused you to grow or gave you an unexpected blessing. Or perhaps it has nothing to do with age, wisdom or experience.

Many of these “no regreters” rely on and relish in quotes like these from authors and celebrities who have made more than there fair share of detrimental mistakes.

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”
 
“I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.”
 
“I never regret anything. Because every little detail of your life is what made you into who you are in the end.” 
 
Now don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate seeing life’s struggles, problems and even mistakes as working out for good and even helping you to grow, mature and become a better person. I can also understand not wallowing in your past mistakes. I can even embrace a “no regrets” philosophy if it has its roots in taking worthwhile risks and living life outside of the norm or when looking to the future and saying – “I want to live a life of no regret”.

But really…no regrets about the past?? ever?? 

 I certainly have regrets – some of which I will share here -

• I regret the relationship I had with a boy for three years during high school… for a myriad of reasons.
• I regret that I didn’t apply myself to learning more while I was in college.  I wasted my time and my parents money by not being more diligent
• I regret that I did not live more frugally and be wiser with my money.
• I regret that I went back to work after the birth of my first child. I cannot get that time back no matter what.
• I deeply regret that I did not do something more pro active to help a dear former student who ended up taking her life. 
• I regret allowing myself to gain weight after each child was born. Losing 1o lbs would have been much easier than losing 50lbs.
• I regret losing control and screaming at my kids.
• I regret things that I have said flippantly that have hurt others.
• I regret the times I have not walked in integrity – by embellishing reality or omitting details or using words to mask the complete truth

Those are just a few of regrets I have in my life and even though yes, each of them has helped mold and make me into the person I am today – it is actually because I have regretted them that they have impacted me, impacted those around me and made a positive difference in who I am today.  If I had not regretted them – then why would I need to change or grow?  Why not just keep on making the same mistakes or even greater ones and chalking it up to – simple life experience – because good or bad it will be part of who I become?

The regret over things done or not done, mistakes made, sins committed should be what changes us and makes us into a better person!  

Besides that, there simply are things in life everyone should regret  -

• like hurting other people through your words or actions,
• like stealing, cheating or lieing,
• like being responsible for the injury or death of another life,
• like neglecting, abusing or abandoning your children,
• like being unfaithful to your marriage vows,
• or how about not making time for your loved ones  (unfortunatly this regret often comes after they are taken from you)

- to name just a few things that one should have regret about.

Isn’t having a life philosophy of  “no regrets”  really just a mask for saying that there is nothing you do that is right or wrong? No absolute truth? You have no personal responsibility for your actions? It is all just about how you decide to see life? You can do anything and the consequences will all work out in the end?

I think a better life philosophy would be – redeeming my regrets!

That we should all take a long hard look at our regrets in life and look for ways to redeem those things.  Perhaps we should redeem our regrets by  -

• helping others avoid doing the same thing by being transparent and honest about the true damage we have caused through or action or inaction. 
• or we could go back and fix things through apologies, restitution’s and repairs (although unfortunately some things just can’t be fixed).  
• why not use the pain of past regrets to catapult us into a present course of action that we will be pleased and proud of and that will give us a future of satisfaction and fulfillment of a life well lived.

Redeeming your regrets….now there is a life philosophy I can get behind!

It’s the day after.

Today could have been so very different for us all.  Instead of waking up this morning with the good news warming our hearts of the “Miracle on the Hudson” – the incredible crash landing of a US Air commercial plane into the Hudson River in New York – in which everyone survived, we could have been watching horrific videos and looking at photos of a fatal air crash.  We could, today have been grieving along with the thousands of friends and family members who had lost loved ones instead of rejoicing as we watched the joyous reunions and grateful passengers who were saved from an untimely death.  Instead of having a new national hero in “Sully” the US Air pilot as well as the New York  Ferry workers and first responders to admire, appreciate and be in awe & amazement of , we could have had to listen to commentators and experts talk about what went wrong and how the pilot could have possibly avoided a disaster.

Yes truly….today could have been a much different day. 

As I enjoyed the heartwarming stories, positive reports, words of gratitude to God and heartfelt appreciation that overflowed on the Internet and in the news media today, my thoughts turned towards those 155 people who for a moment yesterday thought that this just might be their last day on this earth.  I wondered if today they had a new outlook on life?  If they felt like they had been given extra time here for a reason? If their lives from this moment on would change?  If they would begin to seize the day?

Yes, I am sure that they will hug their loved ones a little tighter and hold them a bit closer in the upcoming weeks. But will their daily lives change?  Will they begin to actually do those things that they have always wanted to do or pursue their passions with new fervor?  Will they begin to look for their purpose in life – using their unique God given gifts to do great things? Will they begin to see their life from this point on as a gift from God, a bonus round or exciting tie breaking overtime?  Having come so obviously close to death and been spared will they have a new drive to fulfillthier greatest dreams?

Then I thought about my life? 

• Am I living my life on purpose, using my God given gifts to do great things? Yes, I believe I am.  Are you living your life “on purpose” or just wandering through this life without direction? Are you using your unique gifts and talents to do great things?
• As far as my seeing each day as a gift from God, bonus round or overtime?  No, I don’t think I really do.  And yet I should. I have actually been in a “crash landing” of a twin engine 3 passenger Cessna airplane in 1981 – so the past 27 years have been a “bonus” and yet I have not lived them all like that. (I’ll dig up a photo I have of me standing in front of that plane on that fateful day and post it here tomorrow)  Perhaps you’ve been spared from cancer, or survived a car accident or lived through a natural disaster and have been given a “bonus round” or second chance at life.  But even if we haven’t had a life or death experience we should never take for granted our life or assume we are “owed” 75 years here on this earth. Each day is a gift.
• Am I working towards fulfilling my greatest dreams -  well, yes…but lately I have been “stalled”.  As a believer in setting goals & having dreams I have always written out my dreams and in recent years, since I began my Creative Memories career, I transferred that list into a dream album.  My thoughts today on this “Miracle on the Hudson” and the 155 people whose lives were spared caused me to get that dream album off the shelf and do some evaluating as to where I am at in pursuing and fulfilling those dreams.  While I can tell you I have accomplished quite a few, yet there are still dozens left to accomplish….and for some…time is running out. What about you?  Do you have your dreams and goals written down and are you working regularly to accomplish these things?

So with a renewed vision, fresh perspective and energized drive, I will be getting up in the morning and living my life with purpose while working to pursue my dreams and enjoy the day as my gift from God!

Sometimes the weather just fits the day.

Living in the valley, we get a few too many winter mornings like these where we are “socked in” with pea soup fog. On a rare day, I do enjoy the white blanket that covers the entire area but  the majority of the winter I look for ways to find the sun by heading to the foothills or the beach.

Today however the fog fit the occasion as it hung over the valley on our way to the airport to take Michelle back to college for her second semester. A fog was hanging over my heart as I realized that our three weeks together as a family were coming to an end.  Mist welled up in our eyes as we said our goodbyes.

As I looked out the window at the encroaching fog I thought that with all the things I dislike about our winter fog, it does have some lessons that I could apply to my life.   

• Fog forces you to concentrate on what is directly in front of you…since you can’t see much else. Sometimes I get so distracted by the future that it hinders me from doing what I need to do today.
• Fog slows you down.  Not only does the fog seriously slow down the driving speed of even the most risky drivers it seems to slow down all activity.  I for one need to on occasion seriously slow down.
• Fog creates a quiet over everything.  We all live with constant noise – how can we ever hear that still small voice of the Lord trying to whisper in our hearts.  I could use more quiet times in my life.
• Fog brings a cold dampness and mist that turns our brown and yellow land bright green for a short season.  A reminder that the tears of sadness often provide fertile soil in our hearts for beautiful green growth.

I will embrace the fog of life and see it has an opportunity to slow down, concentrate on today, seek quiet moments as well as allowing the melancholy moments of life to bring growth.

Yes, today the fog fit the occasion and it as it burned off later it was a welcome reminder that behind the melancholy fog is the joy and bright outlook of sunshine. In fact the sunshine seems even brighter after the fog.

It’s the first Monday of January and from what I can surmise from the facebook statuses I have been looking over – many mothers are rejoicing that their children are back in school today after a two week break for the Christmas holiday.  The comments are filled with smiley faces and interjections like – yay! yippee! whew! hallelujah!

Oh….the irony of life.

Just minutes after reading some of those statuses, up popped a new comment from a mom lamenting the fact that her two college age kids were heading back to school today.  Later, I noticed several more unhappy faces and sad comments from others about helping kids pack to go back to school, driving to airports and saying goodbye.

Perhaps these comments struck me as funny as I just seem to be at every stage of life all at the same time – with my eldest headed back to college in NYC, two high schoolers who are back to the daily grind this morning and several more home with me easing back into the homeschool routine (very slowly) and an up and coming toddler running all over the house with energy galore! I can completely relate to the melancholiness of having children return for another semester in college. And while I am not at all excited about my kids going back to school today (or my dear darling husband!) – I can see how one might be looking forward to an empty house and time completely to oneself. And for those of you with just pre-schoolers, I know the dichotomy of complete overwhelming exhaustion and joyfulness this age brings us.

Being the analytical and introspective person that I often am, it has all made me stop and think.  What is it about human nature that we are never quite content with where we are and what we have right at the moment? When we have wee ones at home – we can’t wait for them to grow up and go to Kindergarten. (ahhhh….the end to the exhausting 24/7 job)  We look forward with glee to summer vacation only to wish it away in the last few weeks.  We are thrilled to see our kids leave for school after Christmas break only to, on the same occasion a few years later, be saddened to see them head back to school for college.  And though I am not anywhere close to being an empty nester – my guess is that many would trade all their free time & complete independence for more time with children & grandchildren any day!

So today I will choose to be content with what I have right now. 

• Content that my college girl is soon off to New York and that we will stay connected through email, facebook and cell phones.
• Content that my high schoolers are back at school learning, growing, playing and enjoying this fun season of life
• Content that my husband will once again dissapear into  - doing lesson plans, grading papers, counseling young people and loving his life as high school teacher & chaplain
• Content that I have three children here at home to teach and train
• Content that I have a wee one to chase and change… catch and cuddle!
• And yes, even content that my vacation is over too, as I start back to work  from home today at two jobs to make ends meet!

How are you doing at being content today?

“for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am”  Phillipians 4:11

My second daughter – Amy Girl – is turning sweet sixteen today.  I remember the day of her birth vividly.  In fact, of all my seven deliveries (2 c-sections & 5 vbacs)….Amy’s was one of the easiest.

But as I remember the events surrounding her birth I have to laugh at myself. I have certainly mellowed out a bit in my “old age” because when I look back to my decisions as a 30 year old “driven”, type A , intense young woman, I often find myself saying….What was I thinking?

After a 24+ hour pitocin induced, mind numbing, horrific labor that ended in a c-section, three years prior with my #1 child, Michelle….I had no idea what to expect with #2.  Well it was “textbook”.  I woke up at 6am with contractions about 20 minutes apart.  Since I wanted to be off work with this baby as long as possible, I did not want to stay home from my half day teaching position in case this was a false alarm….so I took a shower and went to work.

What was I thinking?  Going to work in labor….pleeeeease!  

The contractions got closer & closer with each class period – going from twenty, to fifteen, to ten and then to five minutes apart.  I had my students time them on the white board and just went about my day lecturing on leadership, helping students with yearbook & journalism deadlines and planning student activities with the student council.  By noon with just a few minutes left in my teaching day, word had gotten down to my principal that I was having contractions. He called down to my room and ordered me to the hospital.

What was I thinking? Having contractions five minutes apart…stopping to time them and having students record them. Oh my!  What if my water would have broken in class?  Now that would have been a memory not too soon forgotten and filed under the most embarrassing moments category.

On the way to the hospital my water did break and the contractions took on a new intensity.  By 1pm we were in the delivery room and dear sweet baby Amy was born after just a couple of pushes at 3:24pm…a few minutes after school ended for the day.  Before I knew it, I was surrounded by students coming in to welcome the newest Lambdin baby into the world.

What was I thinking having nine teenagers in my room just hours after giving birth?  Oh wait – I’m still doing that – it’s just that most of those teens are my own.

48 hours later I was at home cooking and serving a four course dinner to my husbands entire Varsity Volleyball team the night before their championship game of the season.

What was I thinking?  This still makes me wonder if I had lost my sanity?  I mean really!  I should have been kicking back on the couch being served dinner by someone else…but this special night was on the calendar and the doctor had recently informed me that I would not be delivering for two more weeks (shows you what doctors know)….so when Amy arrived a couple days prior to the volleyball dinner,  I just decided to carry on with our plans. (You see girls – if it is on the calendar – it does happen!)

During the next few weeks, I attended several volleyball games, chaperoned student activities, met with the yearbook staff and even was the speaker at a leadership retreat…all with baby in tow.

What was I thinking?

I guess I was thinking that life just goes on.  You just do what you have to do!  And I suppose that even though the years, my life experiences and my many children have mellowed me in many ways, I still strive to live my life with a paradigm of  -“Why not?”  and “Yes…I can!” - when faced with doing things that might seem crazy, out of the ordinary or overwhelming.  And I always want to hear myself saying – “Sure, I’d love to!”  – when asked to help someone in need despite my own personal problems, ”to do list” or excuses that may be miles long.  

We could probably all use a bit more  -

• Why not?
• Yes…I can!

and

• Sure I’d love to!

in our lives.  So, in honor of Amy Girls birthday, I will stay up far too late preparing for her special day, get up at crack of dawn to take her to bagels with the sisters in our PJ’s, go to the high school and bring cupcakes & ballooons to her (and embarrass her fully by singing – “You’re 16″ to her during a class) and then cook her a “made to order” dinner…… despite having several pending deadlines for my work, participating in an important dedication service for my friends baby and trying to pack and plan for an out of town trip to NYC later this week! Why not? Yes…I can! Sure, I’d love to!

Ok….so I have to do a follow up to my blog earlier this week – with several suggestions on ways to cut back to survive the looming economic crisis. (which by the way if you haven’t been following the comments – there are some great additional suggestions posted  – read them here)

While all these cost cutting measures may be effective – you could still find yourself stressed out by financial concerns and worries as well as having those months, seasons or even years where the ends simply don’t meet. Despite our “bare bones” living, we still have many times where the money runs out before the month does.  We have also experienced things seemingly outside our control like –  unemployment, loss of income, business going bust, unexpected medical expenses, housing depreciation (we bought at the top of the market in 1990 and our home lost value for seven years!) and other financial hardships that no amount of cutting back would solve.  I mean really, when you go from two incomes to none…you have nothing to work with.

So how do you survive an economic crisis at that point?

You trust God…

….not yourself, any man or woman, your employer, your company or the government!

Many Christians are quick to say, out of their mouths, that they trust God…but then continue on with their “laundry list” of fears, worries and concerns about how they are not going to make it.  I try to bite my tongue and just listen sympathetically but sometimes I just can’t help myself and I have to point out that they are really not trusting God. (ok, so sometimes I can be a bit forthright)

If we truly trust God with our finances then we should have complete peace, assurance and confidence not anxiety, fear and insecurity.  Now don’t start thinking that I have it all together or am judging you in any way if you voice your financial fears.  I struggle with trust as much as anyone….it is just that I have personally seen the Lord provide for my family over & over & over again when we have been in desperate and unimaginable circumstances and each time my faith is strengthened and I am stronger and more faithful with each hardship that comes my way. When friends say to me – “I wish I had your faith or I wish I had that peace”, I am quick to point out that the faith and peace are a result of the life I have lived, they are not just a personality trait, gift, talent or the “way God made me”. Actually I am no different than anyone else. Faith and peace have been cultivated and grown through our Biblical responses to the hardships in our lives. I guess you can say – “practice makes perfect”.  (Ie: If you want strong faith and a life of peace – ask God to bring on the hardships! LOL)

God has “proved” Himself faithful to us time and again. (not that He needs to prove anything – but nonetheless He has)   Over the years the Lord has provided in so many different ways  -

• being surprised with an incredibly low gas & electric bill
• getting an unexpected end of the year car insurance rebate
• a parent at the high school blessing us with a gas and grocery store gift card just in the nick of time and for no apparent reason other than to say, thank you
• a surprise Christmas bonus
• the neighbors who run a catering business asking us to “please” take their extras off their hands
• bags of groceries left on the front porch during very hard times
• dear friends who have seen a practical need in our home and decided to provide it for us (we were just recently blessed with new windows in our entire home, extra insulation & ceiling fans by someone who saw our problem and decided that they wanted to solve it)
• an opportunity for a “side job” like coaching, supervising Saturday School, doing handyman work or someone coming by and makes a large purchase from my CM business right when it is most needed
• someone giving us their used car when they no longer need it – apologizing that it probably will last just a couple more years (and then on faith & fumes it continues to drive for seven years – amazing!)

I could go on and on sharing both the little and big ways that God has met our needs (and even many of our wants) – but I really just want to encourage you that yes, He does provide.  It may not always be in the way you expect or look the way you think it should look – but He does come through every time.  And He always will.

He is worthy of our trust!  You can count on Him.  Here is His promises to us from the His word (Matthew 6:25-34) .

 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink ; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing ? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you?

You of little faith! (Ok so the Lord is a bit forthright too!)

Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ “For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Amen! We could all use a little dose of this advice, heh?)

Coming soon – part 3, part 4 and perhaps even a part 5 to surviving the economic crisis….but for today let’s all simply….

Trust God!

Finally something in the news that I have expertise in.

I am an expert on the subject of economic crisis….no really, I am!  I mean after all I have lived most of my adult life (except for a few short “glory years” of phenomenal success with my home based business) in a state of economic crisis. (which perhaps is why I am not stressed out by the constant news reports – it is life as normal for us!)

Every time my dear darling hubby and I get his social security report showing his earnings since he was 16,  I look to see if he has yet to make the income level he made the year before we were married (1985) when he was in management for a wine cooler company. (not to diminish the love of my life’s leadership skills but he has said himself that all you had to do to be in management was to not come to work high.)

Don’t get me wrong…“I am NOT complaining!”.  This is the life we have chosen and honestly we would not have it any other way. 

• When we got married we committed our lives to the service of others in full time ministry to teenagers.  We spent the first four years of our life together as youthpastors before moving on to becoming teachers & counselors in Christian high school education.  After 10 years in one school just when we were beginning to “get ahead” financially we both left our jobs (Ok, I got fired….another story for another day) and lived by faith for the next 18 months as we forged ahead to start a new Christian high school in our area which emphasized discipleship and Biblical world view training.  We chose to work for a lower salary in Christian education because we are passionate about the lives that it touches!
• We have also chosen to give the Lord control of the size of our family and have been blessed with seven children to love and provide food, shelter and clothing for.  According to the national poverty level guidelines – we have lived at or just slightly above poverty level for much of the past two decades.  (although I will argue with anyone that what we consider “poverty” in the USA is nothing close to poverty at all)
• We have also chosen to live in the Central Valley of California, which despite it being one of the least expensive places in this state to live…it is still has at least a 15% – 20% higher cost of living than most places that we could live in this country.

So yes, I am an expert at surviving economic crisis.  Here are my timely tips for those who might be wondering how they are going to survive the trying times being predicted ahead of us.

How to survive an economic crisis 

1.Learn to live with inconveniences or without what some may consider necessities. (but really they might be luxuries) Currently, we have a big hole in our bathroom sink

our shower faucets have to be turned on with a vice grip

 and we do not have a working air conditioner or dishwasher.  In the past we have had a myriad of things that others might see as necessities that we just have lived without or postponed fixing or purchasing.

What we are saving this year 

• not purchasing a new bathroom sink – $150
• not replacing the shower fixtures – $300
• not purchasing a new dishwasher & washing dishes by hand – $400
• not using the air conditioner this summer (since it does not work anyway!) – $600
• not purchasing a new air conditioner $5,000 – $7,000
• not using a pest control company to get rid of the varmints in the attic & under the house (we did have to take care of the termites!) - $600

 

2. Drive older used cars(even if they are “beat up” and unattractive) or if possible drive only one car. 

 We actually have had only one vehicle several different times in our lives and we survived just fine. (fond memories – I use to walk home from work when I was pregnant with number one and Dan was in bible college with our only car.  Another time we could not even fit our entire family in our one car to go to church together so a friend came and picked up some of us. For six months one year, I got up and drove Dan to school each day and he got a ride home with a student – anyone want extra credit?  Were these times inconvenient? Yes…but we survived then and could survive again)

What we are saving this year 

• driving an old/beat up car with no payments, cheap insurance (yes it costs much less to only have liability insurance on a 12 year old car) & low registration – $5,000

And this photo is 8 months old – the trunk is now tied down with bungee cords – looking quite amusing.  Every time you hit a bump in the road, it bangs so hard it makes you jump (not that I am often found driving Dan’s car) But still it gets Dan, our two high schoolers and three other teenage gals to and from school everyday!

3. Get rid of cable TV- yes that is right – just cut it out.  We have never had cable television and have lived quite happily without it. (although that is not to say I wouldn’t enjoy the history, hallmark and cooking channels)  Other extras you could consider cutting out – extra telephones, extra services on those cell phones etc….

What we are saving this year

• not having cable TV – $500 to $900

 4. Take a “vanity” inventory.  Do you and or your children really need those new/stylish clothes, manicures, pedicures or regular hair cuts, color and styles?

What we are saving this year 

• on never getting a manicure or pedicure and only getting my hair cut/colored every 8 months (as opposed to every 4 months which it needs!) - $250 to $500
• the kids wearing hand-me-downs and never buying anything new but shoes & underwear – $1,000 – $2,000

5. Eat at home and pack lunches for school/work. Be prepared and find inexpensive meals that still fill up the family. (and do not eat out – probably one of the single greatest expenses for many families – this adds up faster than you realize!)

What we are saving this year 

• for eating very ”inexpensive” meals like beans & rice several times a week – $1,000

 6. Nix the nice vacations! Go on camping vacations or be creative and swap homes with someone if you live in a vacation destination (which we do not!). Kids do not need fancy hotels, resorts, cruises or even Disneyland to have a good time – in fact I am willing to bet that the best memories are made on simple “back to nature” vacations. Of course many years we saved even more by camping in our back yard!

What we are saving this year 

• for taking a week long camping vacation instead of a hotel/cabin rental vacation – $1,200+ (of course we are saving $5,000+ by never going to Disneyland with our family of nine)

7. Live in a house smaller than what you “need”.  And you do not need a bedroom for every child and most families could survive quite well on 1,500 square feet or less.  In the towns we build homes for in Mexico – a family of 6 to 9 live in a 320 square foot home with no indoor bathroom or kitchen. (and they are quite happy I might add!) I could live in a tent if I had to!

What we are saving this year 

• living in a 1400 square foot/ 3 bedroom home - the 6 girls in one bedroom, 1 boy (but hopefully soon a few more) in the other room  and Dan the Man & myself in the 3rd bedroom as opposed to living in a 4 or 5 bedroom home – $12,000 – $15,000 (includes extra mortgage, taxes, insurance & homeowners association fees and utility expenses)

8. Skip the fancy birthday parties, professional photos, gifts for extended family- this always seems “harsh” or sad to people but really these are all negotiable expenses.  A backyard birthday party with homemade cake (costs $2.50 to make), free games & no goodie bags sent home (when did this tradition begin? – not in my youth!) is perfectly ok!

You do not need to order those school photos, sports or prom pictures. Get out your camera and take a few photos (if you need photo tips – they are out there everywhere!) – more formal & fun ones.  The only professional ones we splurge on are the 1 year old & senior pics!

We have more than three dozen extended family members alone – although we would really LOVE to purchase gifts for them all at every birthday, Christmas and special occassion we just don’t have the funds -  a phone call, email greeting or simple card sharing your heartfelt love – is a blessing! We do try to save up a little money for the “milestone” events (25th, 50th anniversary’s, the big decade birthdays & weddings)  Now..please don’t think we are “stingy” – we do sponsor every short term missions trip that people ask us to support, give to World Vision and a couple missionaries as well as blessing others as the Lord touches our hearts (which is often).

What we are saving this year 

• on only purchasing birthday and Christmas gifts for our children but not extended family members -  $700
• on birthday parties (if this looks skewed – remember we have 7 kids) – $700
• on not purchasing professional photos around every corner – $200 – $500 

9.  Stop the Starbucks habit or at least cut back.  For years this was about the only “luxury” we gave ourselves several times a week since we live fairly “bare bones”.  But since doing the fat flush, we are down to just a couple times a month. (for those not coffee drinkers – perhaps it is Jamba Juice or fast food french fries or your daily soda addiction that you could cut out or reduce)

What we are saving this year 

• not drinking Starbucks 3x a week (x Dan & Myself) - $800 (we drink the “cheap” stuff – $2.55 a cup)

    10.  Since 10 tips sound better than 9 - this is my personal favorite (and please do not hate me – I am just not an animal person) Do not get a new pet! (sorry girls, I just found another reason in my long list of not getting a puppy for Daniel)

What we are saving this year 

• on not having a dog (food/vaccinations/vet bills/paying for him to be cared for while we are on vacation/grooming) – $500-$800

 Ok so how much have I saved just this year by living in a state of personal economic crisis??

anywhere from $30,000 – $33,000

(with at least $22,000 of that being annual expenses not one time purchases/replacements that just might be a once a decade expense, like replacing an air conditioner or dish washer)  

Wow…that is an amazing amount of money – another whole salary.  Of course it is a good thing that we ”save” these expenses since we do not have this money to spend in the first place.   And honestly….even though we live a pretty “bare bones”existence, I know there is still much, much more we could cut back on and still survive. (yes, if I had to I could eat beans & rice 5x a week, live without cell phones, drive less & walk more, not get my hair done at all, decrease electrical/water expenses….and on & on & on)  

If you are fretting over the future or being stressed out that your financial future is in peril - be encouraged – there are probably multitudes of things you could cut out/sell/change about your current life that would help you weather the storm quite easily. (I would love to hear about them – do share!)

So take a big breath and relax - we can all survive an economic crisis!