I grew up in a family who ate dinner together….

at the table…

with the TV turned OFF…

every night…

at 6pm. 

My Mom and Dad raised four children who were active, healthy, drug, alcohol & tobacco free, high academic achievers, student leaders with solid moral standards and a strong Christian faith.  Now while I don’t think that eating dinner together regularly guarantees you parenting success, the statistics are pretty convincing that this sacred ritual is something worth making a priority in our homes.

Research by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University consistently finds the more often children eat dinner with their families:

• The less likely they are to smoke, drink or use illegal drugs  (100 – 191% less likely)
• The less likely they are to have sex at young ages
• They are at lower risk for thoughts of suicide and depression
• They are more emotionally content and have fewer behavior problems
• They have healthier eating habits
• They do better in school  (academic performance went up 38%)
• They are more likely to talk to their parents about a problem (40% more likely)

 And yet even with all these powerfully convincing statistics – I have found that many of my friends simply can’t seem to make it happen for their families.  We do live in a different world than the 60’s & 70’s when my parents were raising their family.  So many things have changed and there are so many challenges as well as activities “eating up” our time.

• Many families have two working parents and are exhausted at the days end and trying to get a meal on the table and sit down together is overwhelming (I wrote a post last fall that might help this challenge – you can read it here)
• Many families are split up – putting an amazing amount of pressure on the single parent as well as often times having the children going back & forth between two households
• Many parents are working “odd” shifts” – swing shift or graveyard making it hard to share a meal together
• Many children are involved in after school activities, clubs, sports, church youth groups etc… (and parents are transporting them to these activities, coaching or chaperoning) often making it a logistical nightmare trying to get everyone together
• Even the parents have a long list of volunteer activities, book clubs, ladies & guys nights out, Bible studies and even home based businesses that take up night time hours

And yet…I believe if we really want to make it happen we can and we will!

This fall is especially challenging in the Lambdin household as we have three girls playing on soccer teams with varying practice schedules each weekday in the late afternoon/early evening, the high school girls are on the school volleyball team coached by their Daddy and that carload does not walk through the door before 6pm.  The first time we are actually all in the house consistently each evening is at 8pm.  Now that might work in a family without little ones….but my two year old is simply not going to wait to eat dinner that late (besides my metabolism won’t work as well eating a full meal at 8pm). 

As I began to work on our fall calendar this past weekend and realized our current dilemma I began to feel a bit frustrated that our schedules at this season of life are so complicated (you mommy’s of wee ones – be thankful for the less complicated season – hard, yes – but scheduling logistics, much simpler!).  I immediately began to brainstorm our options that would still give us time to sit down & take in a meal together -

• 8pm dinners - NO,  for the reasons stated above
• Give it up and just settle for dinner together on the weekends - NO, I am not the “settling” type of gal
• Have a family breakfast together instead – NO, this would have to happen at 6:30am which means the high school girls & Dan would have to get up 30 minutes earlier than they already do, I would have to get up really early to prepare and mornings are not my best friend, not too mention dragging the 2 year old & 6 year olds out of bed would be a disaster

That is when I came up with this idea.   I will have dinner ready & out in the kitchen for the family to grab and eat from 4:30pm – 6:30pm.  Crock pot type meals that can stay warm and be ready to eat when needed.  (I welcome crock pot recipees – do share!) Paper plates or bowls for easy self clean up. They can eat at the table, at the desk doing homework, in the kitchen or while watching a DVD. They can eat by themselves or with whomever is around at their personal dinner time.  Then around 8pm every night we will all sit around the set table, candles lit, dinner music playing and have a light snack together with coffee or hot tea.  We will alternate between fruit & nuts, cheese/dips & crackers, light appetizers and desserts.  We will offer our prayers & blessing on the food, share stories of the day and enjoy sweet fellowship with the family.

We began last night as this is our first week of the craziness of our fall schedule and will continue this routine Monday through Thursdays (yay for weekend dinners together at 6pm!) until mid November when soccer and volleyball come to an end.  It was a perfect solution and everyone loved it!

Let me encourage you to make taking in a family meal together a real priority! (at the table, with the TV off  –> nice dishes, candles & music are a bonus!) If it helps even a little to keep your kids healthy, off drugs, not depressed, academic achievers with fewer behavior problems as well as more likely to talk to you – it is worth the effort…don’t you think?  Besides it is so enjoyable to spend time with those you love and the memories are priceless!

  Yes….where there is a will…there is a way!

This past Sunday was a very special day.

 We dedicated our dear Christiana to the Lord during the Sunday morning service at our church. As our entire family stood along with our pastor and his wife before our church family and dedicated this newest blessing back to the God who gave her to us I was overcome with emotion on many levels.

 I was filled with joy that God has chosen to bless us with this precious life.

I was filled with love for Christiana, my amazing husband, my beautiful children, my extended family, my pastors and my church family.

 I was filled with peace knowing that this child belongs to the Lord and that He is in control of her life.

 I was filled with hope, awe & wonder at the knowledge that God has a very special and unique plan for her life and that she will certainly be called by God to do great & mighty things for His kingdom.

 As I stood there and looked out on the congregation, it hit me that 20 years ago in 1989 we had brought our first born daughter, Michelle to that very same altar, at that very same church and dedicated her to the Lord. Over the past two decades, everyone of our eight children has been dedicated to the Lord at this same altar.

 It also hit me that this is a rarity in our modern day mobile society where for one reason or another folks seem to switch churches every few years.

 I officially joined this church 26 years ago as a single young college student who after spending the summer as their youth intern decided that I wanted to become a part of this church family. My now husband, Dan became an official member after he decided to commit to being a part of the volunteer youth staff almost 25 years ago.

 One of the benefits of staying put over all these years is that many of our important spiritual milestones have taken place within those church walls and with our church family.

•  Dan proposed to me at the altar at the conclusion of our youth service on March 18, 1986 (and I said yes!)
• We were given counseling and married by the staff of this church and held our wedding reception in that very same sanctuary.
• We served on staff as youth pastors of our church for four years.
• Besides all of our children being dedicated to the Lord at that altar – one was saved during a children’s puppet crusade there (all the others prayed to receive Christ at home other than one who happened to be at a local gas station), three have been baptized in water at the church, four have been crowned an honor star through the outstanding girls ministry of Missionettes and two have held their Rite of Passage ceremony in the chapel.
• We have sat in the same section in the front left hand side faithfully every Sunday and worshipped together, prayed together, given offerings together, been convicted, inspired, amused and yes even sometimes put to sleep, by the messages, gone to the altar for prayer and ministered to others all in that sanctuary.
• We have taught Sunday School, worked in the nursery, volunteered in children’s ministry, attended special events, rejoiced along with dozens of young couples as they were wed, watched multitudes of baby dedications, baptisms and celebrated the lives of precious saints who went home to be with the Lord…all in that very same building.

 Now perhaps you might be thinking, that we found the perfect church since we have stayed and remained faithful all these years.   The messages must always be compelling, funny and interesting. The programs must be comprehensive and state of the art with something for everyone from infants to senior citizens. The music must be perfect and pleasing to everyone. The pastor and staff must be kind, compassionate, forgiving, wise, moral, charismatic, friendly, organized, effective communicators, dynamic leaders, ready to drop everything when you need them and willing to go the extra mile. The people there must be wonderful, supporting, encouraging, loving, serving one another – never gossiping, backbiting, complaining, grumbling  or…..

 …..oh wait – are you laughing yet?

 No, my home church is just like every church I know – full of imperfections, flaws, problems and frustrations.

 We have had some very amazing and awesome times at our church and we have had some very troubling and terrible times as well.  There has even been the “in between” rather dull and boring years with not much happening at all. We have seen hundreds if not thousands of lives dramatically impacted and we have seen people hurt and become bitter and angry.  We have gone through three pastors, five children’s pastors, six worship leaders and seven youth pastors. We have experienced an abundance of resources as well as times where we did not know if we would be able to turn on the lights the next Sunday.  We have had seasons of favor in the community and years marked with scandal.  We have seen people come and people go (and even come back again several times)  We have seen them trickle out because they were unhappy with this or that or because they were searching for better preaching or programs and we have seen them leave in droves because of some controversy, offense, disagreement or because of the latest and greatest new church starting up across town.

 And yet through it all….we have stayed.

 Why??? I am glad you asked.

We have stayed because we see commitment to our local church family the same way we see our commitment to our marriage and family.  We have made the commitment for the “long haul” – in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health and hopefully until death do us part.

Now of course their could be legitimate reasons to leave a church – like moving miles away, being called to minister to another congregation, if the church was to start heretical preaching (I’ll call this church adultery since they are forsaking the true Jesus – I might not leave for this but rather stay and fight but I do understand those that do leave for heresy)  or if their is abuse going on from leadership (one of the reasons I have chosen to stay in a church denomination that has a governing body over the local church that can intervene when leadership goes awry – non denominational churches lack such accountability) – but unfortunately the vast majority of people who leave a church do so, not for the reasons stated above, but because they:

• are unhappy, frustrated or bored with the services, teaching or music
• are not “getting fed” (ie – want the preaching to be dynamic, motivating and challenging)
• want a better nursery, children’s or youth services, Sunday school or other program they deem vital
• are angry at some church decision, the leadership or policies
• things are not new & exciting enough
• someone has ticked them off, offended, hurt or sinned against them

Now, I don’t know about you but I would not leave my marriage or trade in my family for any of those reasons.  Yes, there are times I am unhappy, bored, angry, hurt, frustrated and not very content with both my marriage and my family. Yes, there are times I want change or feel the need to have something new & exciting but that does not cause me to run off with a new guy or leave my children. And of course on occasion I long for a bigger house equipped with the all the” bells & whistles” and yet that is not what makes a house a home it is my family and our years of memories together that are the most important.

Since the Bible compares Christ and His commitment and love for His church to marriage and how it should operate – I think that we should all more seriously consider our commitment to the church as well.

Maybe it is time to stop church hopping. Maybe it’s time to make a commitment to a body of believers and stick with it.  Maybe it’s time to:

• pray during service if your unhappy or frustrated (or look for someone to minister to)
• feed yourself! (one of my biggest pet peeves is when adult Christians say “ I am not getting fed”. Really? Grow up & feed yourself)
• volunteer to make your church programs better or realize that perfect programs are really not that vital compared to what you are teaching your children about commitment & faithfulness by sticking it out through the good, bad & the ugly
• graciously and humbly communicate with your church leadership when you are concerned or have problems and at the same time let them know that you will not leave if things don’t change or go your way
• trust God that He is using the leadership of your church in your life for good even if they make wrong decisions or policies
• forgive those church members who sin against you (definition of forgiveness here – throw it in the sea of forgetfulness and remember it no more – you know – like what Jesus has promised to do for you…whew!)
• remember that “new & exciting” is fun while it lasts….but it always, always, always ends up being old & routine. (so start seeing that as solid, secure, consistent and faithful)
• “get over it” and realize that there is no perfect church – expect that you will at times be unhappy, frustrated, hurt and offended and enjoy the other times when you are thrilled, excited, amazed, touched, loved and blessed. Just like it is at home.

I believe that we have been blessed beyond measure by making such a unshakable commitment to our local church.  I also believe that the Lord is pleased that we have chosen faithfulness, commitment, forgiveness, long suffering and love over taking the easy way and “jumping ship” when we were unhappy, offended or discontent.

My one regret is that there are only a handful of others in our church who also chose to have that same type of commitment.  Oh how I would have loved to look out at that congregation on Sunday and seen the hundreds of church family members who were there when I became a member in September of 1983, who celebrated with us as we were married in 1986, who were there to commit to helping us raise our children up in the Lord as we brought each one of them to the altar and who played with them in the nursery, taught their Sunday School classes and led their Missionette clubs . Instead most of those folks are scattered throughout churches in our county, yes serving the Lord and yes still part of the greater body of Christ and while we have done our best to stay connected it is just not the same. We have all missed out on the joy, love and blessings of being an intimate “forever church family” while here on earth.

I hope and pray that my children as they grow up and settle down wherever the Lord leads them that they will find a church family that they will commit to and that they will be blessed to have members with that same commitment.  Does that exist anymore? I believe it can if we each just start today with our own decision to commit to our church family…..forever.

To say that I don’t have time right now is like saying that Bill Gates just has a little extra “walking around money”. Yes that would be an understatement.

Besides the regular routine of  mothering, homeschooling, household management, my home based business and my “part time” job (yada yada)… I am working ’round the clock on the annual Jim Elliot Christian High School Dinner Auction which is just over a week away (and I still need to sell 150 tickets..yikes, gather up last minute auction donations and work daily with my team of volunteers).  Add to that my homeschoolers have state testing this week, not having gone to bed before 2am in days and having kids going “down for the count” daily with the stomach flu…and yes extra time is just about non existent in my life right now.

Yet today despite all of this…I managed to throw on some red, white & blue, grab some flags out of the closet and drive downtown to City Hall for a 45 minute rally at our Stockton City Tea Party.

Why did I stop in the midst of the craziness of my current life to attend a rally where no one was expecting me or perhaps it didn’t even matter if I was there?  Why did I overcome my own personal objections of weariness, busyness and other obligations?  WHY?  WHY? WHY?

• Because I believe in the message!
• Because I am role modeling for and training my children.  They are watching and listening to not just what I say….but what I do.
• Because in the future when I am asked – “Why did you not try to do something to stop this mess?”  I will be able to with a clear conscience say – I did do something!

There is so much more that I could say about how sometimes we just need to throw out our excuses as to why we can’t do something….and just do it! (but I will just let me actions speak for me this time)

Life went on today….even though I spent 45 minutes at a rally letting my voice be heard and then another 45 minutes sharing that with you in this blog! And no one may ever remember that I let my voice be heard today, but I will lay my head on the pillow tonight with perfect peace that I have stood for what I believe in, have role modeled that to my children and have began the fight for our future generation who will have to bear the brunt of our current actions. 

Is there something in your life that you say you believe in and that you just are not making the time to do? Or perhaps you really do not have the time? So what….just do it! (This is what I said to myself this morning as I contemplated “skipping out” on this event and listed all the reasons I just didn’t have the time)

I finally figured it out!

Yes, after twenty years of motherhood it has finally hit me what the real purpose of the Lamaze classes were, that I took prior to the birth of my first child.  Just in case you have not yet experienced labor & delivery and you think that the purpose of these classes is to help you get through the pain of childbirth by implementing breathing & relaxation techniques, let me set the record straight.

Now, I am sure that there are a precious few who would “swear” by the effectiveness of  these breathing methods – but I am not one of them.  Just a few hours into labor after almost hyperventilating and after being given pitocin which effectively slams you into intense labor instantly, I screamed nastily at my sweet husband — “YOU BREATHE!” , as he was trying to coach me in these techniques. (a few minutes later I spit water in his face – nice, huh?)  I have never taken those classes again but have used various ways to get through my six following labors, including but not limited to – squeezing the living daylights out of my husbands hand, digging my fingernails into his arm, grabbing the nurses by the shirt (truly embarrassing), moaning, groaning, griting my teeeth, writhing and of course my personal favorite – EPIDURALS!

But just this past week it became perfectly clear to me why up & coming Mommies need to learn breathing techniques and it has nothing to do with the birthing process.

It is much more useful for the parenting process that will follow.

This last week I had an opportunity to put those breathing techniques into practice when, in the blink of an eye, our peaceful morning turned into a disaster.  After cooking the kids a delicious breakfast of french toast for a Friday morning treat – we were happily going about our morning routine of chores and school work when…..CRASH!  I looked up and saw that my beautiful 21 month old baby boy had pulled our 19 inch  TV & stand down onto his head. I jumped up from my seat just five feet from where he was lying and immediately began to panic as he started screaming with blood pouring out of his mouth.  My pulse shot through the roof (as I am sure my blood pressure did too), my mind began to race and I tried to make a quick decision as to the best course of action.  Do I call 911? Do I rush him to the ER? What do I do with the little ones here at home?  Do I take them with me? Should I call a friend or rush over to the neighbors and ask them to drive me to the hospital or watch the kids? As my robe became soaked with blood and the sobs of baby boy increased I began to panic and then…..breathe.  My clear minded 13 year old daughter called her Dad and in an instant he was headed home to take us to the hospital.  And during that eternal 15 minute wait….I breathed…. and breathed…. and breathed along with calling on the name of Jesus for help.

After it was all over (and we are praising the Lord that the worst of his injuries were five stitches, several bruises and a lost front tooth – no head injuries, concussion, facial fractures or permanent damage), my ten year old was recounting the story of the morning and sharing how Mommy was breathing really heavy during it all.  That is when it hit me – Lamaze!  That is really what those classes are for – all the crisis times you are sure to have for years after giving birth to a child!

And it is probably a good thing they don’t tell you at that time in life when you are anticipating the birth of your first child,  that you will truly need to learn to “breathe”  as a parent, because you just might have to -

• wave goodbye as they wheel your child down the hall behind closed doors into surgery
• listen to a life threatening or terminal diagnosis for your precious child
• watch your child writhing in pain after an injury or accident
• get a phone call from the hospital informing you that you need to come down right away
• see your star athlete go down for the count and not get up
• hold them in your arms as they cry after a heartbreaking disappointment or defeat
• feel like you are going to go mad with all the bickering, stubbornness or bad behavior you deal with daily
• sit by the clock that is slowly clicking, hours past their curfew and wondering if they are dead or alive
• watch as rebellion, disobedience  or bad judgement bring them tragic  or life altering results
• kiss them goodbye as they leave to fight for their country
• endure being separated from them by distance, disappointment or disagreement
• or God forbid if you lose them to death at any age (we as parents are suppose to go first!)

In fact, I never remember anyone sharing with me that children would bring into my life such intense heartache and pain.   Would I do it all again if I knew the pain and suffering I would have to endure?  Would I do it again even if it turned ugly or tragic?  Would I do it all again even if I lose my child to death?  

• Absolutely!
• Definitely!
• Without a doubt! 
• In a heartbeat!
• No questions asked! 
• Yes!  Yes! Yes!

Why? Because the love, joy and utter fulfillment my children have brought to my life is worth every bit of pain, heartache, dissapointment or suffering I have ,or will in the future , have to endure.  They are worth it all!

I will just have to remember my Lamaze training and my faith….breathe deeply and call on the name of Jesus! (and perhaps get a relaxing massage – I sure could use one after Friday – Whew!)

Finally something in the news that I have expertise in.

I am an expert on the subject of economic crisis….no really, I am!  I mean after all I have lived most of my adult life (except for a few short “glory years” of phenomenal success with my home based business) in a state of economic crisis. (which perhaps is why I am not stressed out by the constant news reports – it is life as normal for us!)

Every time my dear darling hubby and I get his social security report showing his earnings since he was 16,  I look to see if he has yet to make the income level he made the year before we were married (1985) when he was in management for a wine cooler company. (not to diminish the love of my life’s leadership skills but he has said himself that all you had to do to be in management was to not come to work high.)

Don’t get me wrong…“I am NOT complaining!”.  This is the life we have chosen and honestly we would not have it any other way. 

• When we got married we committed our lives to the service of others in full time ministry to teenagers.  We spent the first four years of our life together as youthpastors before moving on to becoming teachers & counselors in Christian high school education.  After 10 years in one school just when we were beginning to “get ahead” financially we both left our jobs (Ok, I got fired….another story for another day) and lived by faith for the next 18 months as we forged ahead to start a new Christian high school in our area which emphasized discipleship and Biblical world view training.  We chose to work for a lower salary in Christian education because we are passionate about the lives that it touches!
• We have also chosen to give the Lord control of the size of our family and have been blessed with seven children to love and provide food, shelter and clothing for.  According to the national poverty level guidelines – we have lived at or just slightly above poverty level for much of the past two decades.  (although I will argue with anyone that what we consider “poverty” in the USA is nothing close to poverty at all)
• We have also chosen to live in the Central Valley of California, which despite it being one of the least expensive places in this state to live…it is still has at least a 15% – 20% higher cost of living than most places that we could live in this country.

So yes, I am an expert at surviving economic crisis.  Here are my timely tips for those who might be wondering how they are going to survive the trying times being predicted ahead of us.

How to survive an economic crisis 

1.Learn to live with inconveniences or without what some may consider necessities. (but really they might be luxuries) Currently, we have a big hole in our bathroom sink

our shower faucets have to be turned on with a vice grip

 and we do not have a working air conditioner or dishwasher.  In the past we have had a myriad of things that others might see as necessities that we just have lived without or postponed fixing or purchasing.

What we are saving this year 

• not purchasing a new bathroom sink – $150
• not replacing the shower fixtures – $300
• not purchasing a new dishwasher & washing dishes by hand – $400
• not using the air conditioner this summer (since it does not work anyway!) – $600
• not purchasing a new air conditioner $5,000 – $7,000
• not using a pest control company to get rid of the varmints in the attic & under the house (we did have to take care of the termites!) - $600

 

2. Drive older used cars(even if they are “beat up” and unattractive) or if possible drive only one car. 

 We actually have had only one vehicle several different times in our lives and we survived just fine. (fond memories – I use to walk home from work when I was pregnant with number one and Dan was in bible college with our only car.  Another time we could not even fit our entire family in our one car to go to church together so a friend came and picked up some of us. For six months one year, I got up and drove Dan to school each day and he got a ride home with a student – anyone want extra credit?  Were these times inconvenient? Yes…but we survived then and could survive again)

What we are saving this year 

• driving an old/beat up car with no payments, cheap insurance (yes it costs much less to only have liability insurance on a 12 year old car) & low registration – $5,000

And this photo is 8 months old – the trunk is now tied down with bungee cords – looking quite amusing.  Every time you hit a bump in the road, it bangs so hard it makes you jump (not that I am often found driving Dan’s car) But still it gets Dan, our two high schoolers and three other teenage gals to and from school everyday!

3. Get rid of cable TV- yes that is right – just cut it out.  We have never had cable television and have lived quite happily without it. (although that is not to say I wouldn’t enjoy the history, hallmark and cooking channels)  Other extras you could consider cutting out – extra telephones, extra services on those cell phones etc….

What we are saving this year

• not having cable TV – $500 to $900

 4. Take a “vanity” inventory.  Do you and or your children really need those new/stylish clothes, manicures, pedicures or regular hair cuts, color and styles?

What we are saving this year 

• on never getting a manicure or pedicure and only getting my hair cut/colored every 8 months (as opposed to every 4 months which it needs!) - $250 to $500
• the kids wearing hand-me-downs and never buying anything new but shoes & underwear – $1,000 – $2,000

5. Eat at home and pack lunches for school/work. Be prepared and find inexpensive meals that still fill up the family. (and do not eat out – probably one of the single greatest expenses for many families – this adds up faster than you realize!)

What we are saving this year 

• for eating very ”inexpensive” meals like beans & rice several times a week – $1,000

 6. Nix the nice vacations! Go on camping vacations or be creative and swap homes with someone if you live in a vacation destination (which we do not!). Kids do not need fancy hotels, resorts, cruises or even Disneyland to have a good time – in fact I am willing to bet that the best memories are made on simple “back to nature” vacations. Of course many years we saved even more by camping in our back yard!

What we are saving this year 

• for taking a week long camping vacation instead of a hotel/cabin rental vacation – $1,200+ (of course we are saving $5,000+ by never going to Disneyland with our family of nine)

7. Live in a house smaller than what you “need”.  And you do not need a bedroom for every child and most families could survive quite well on 1,500 square feet or less.  In the towns we build homes for in Mexico – a family of 6 to 9 live in a 320 square foot home with no indoor bathroom or kitchen. (and they are quite happy I might add!) I could live in a tent if I had to!

What we are saving this year 

• living in a 1400 square foot/ 3 bedroom home - the 6 girls in one bedroom, 1 boy (but hopefully soon a few more) in the other room  and Dan the Man & myself in the 3rd bedroom as opposed to living in a 4 or 5 bedroom home – $12,000 – $15,000 (includes extra mortgage, taxes, insurance & homeowners association fees and utility expenses)

8. Skip the fancy birthday parties, professional photos, gifts for extended family- this always seems “harsh” or sad to people but really these are all negotiable expenses.  A backyard birthday party with homemade cake (costs $2.50 to make), free games & no goodie bags sent home (when did this tradition begin? – not in my youth!) is perfectly ok!

You do not need to order those school photos, sports or prom pictures. Get out your camera and take a few photos (if you need photo tips – they are out there everywhere!) – more formal & fun ones.  The only professional ones we splurge on are the 1 year old & senior pics!

We have more than three dozen extended family members alone – although we would really LOVE to purchase gifts for them all at every birthday, Christmas and special occassion we just don’t have the funds -  a phone call, email greeting or simple card sharing your heartfelt love – is a blessing! We do try to save up a little money for the “milestone” events (25th, 50th anniversary’s, the big decade birthdays & weddings)  Now..please don’t think we are “stingy” – we do sponsor every short term missions trip that people ask us to support, give to World Vision and a couple missionaries as well as blessing others as the Lord touches our hearts (which is often).

What we are saving this year 

• on only purchasing birthday and Christmas gifts for our children but not extended family members -  $700
• on birthday parties (if this looks skewed – remember we have 7 kids) – $700
• on not purchasing professional photos around every corner – $200 – $500 

9.  Stop the Starbucks habit or at least cut back.  For years this was about the only “luxury” we gave ourselves several times a week since we live fairly “bare bones”.  But since doing the fat flush, we are down to just a couple times a month. (for those not coffee drinkers – perhaps it is Jamba Juice or fast food french fries or your daily soda addiction that you could cut out or reduce)

What we are saving this year 

• not drinking Starbucks 3x a week (x Dan & Myself) - $800 (we drink the “cheap” stuff – $2.55 a cup)

    10.  Since 10 tips sound better than 9 - this is my personal favorite (and please do not hate me – I am just not an animal person) Do not get a new pet! (sorry girls, I just found another reason in my long list of not getting a puppy for Daniel)

What we are saving this year 

• on not having a dog (food/vaccinations/vet bills/paying for him to be cared for while we are on vacation/grooming) – $500-$800

 Ok so how much have I saved just this year by living in a state of personal economic crisis??

anywhere from $30,000 – $33,000

(with at least $22,000 of that being annual expenses not one time purchases/replacements that just might be a once a decade expense, like replacing an air conditioner or dish washer)  

Wow…that is an amazing amount of money – another whole salary.  Of course it is a good thing that we ”save” these expenses since we do not have this money to spend in the first place.   And honestly….even though we live a pretty “bare bones”existence, I know there is still much, much more we could cut back on and still survive. (yes, if I had to I could eat beans & rice 5x a week, live without cell phones, drive less & walk more, not get my hair done at all, decrease electrical/water expenses….and on & on & on)  

If you are fretting over the future or being stressed out that your financial future is in peril - be encouraged – there are probably multitudes of things you could cut out/sell/change about your current life that would help you weather the storm quite easily. (I would love to hear about them – do share!)

So take a big breath and relax - we can all survive an economic crisis!

This is how things have progressed since my post yesterday -

• Daniel’s abscess became worse
• Went back to the doctor who took one look and admitted us to the hospital
• Stopped by the house for an overnight bag and to kiss the sisters
• Checked into the hospital (always an ordeal)
• IV’s inserted – which is a major feat with an infant
• Antibiotic drip started
• Surgeon comes in to explain what they will be doing to drain abscess
• Family members stop by for support & prayer
• Daniel is wheeled into the Operating Room – not very happy about leaving Mommy & Daddy
• We wait on the floor outside OR
• Surgeon comes out – reports surgery went well and that Daniel has 3.5 feet of packing inside the wound….where can 3.5 feet of anything fit into a 23 pound, 31 inch baby…that is what I want to know?
• He is in recovery, we wait in the hallway

• Back in his room post op – they hook him up to heart monitors, oxygen reading thingy, bp cuff – none of which he is happy about.
• Mom takes pictures…why?  Because she takes pictures of everything (well almost – I have yet to take photos of my dirty dishes – but I am sure the day is coming)

• He is groggy and doesn’t feel well – a very sick little guy
• 11pm – Daddy heads home to take care of the sisters

• Mom gets to “sleep” in a hard recliner while trying to comfort sweet baby in between getting poked and prodded all night by the nursing staff and having machine alarms constantly going off (what is the point of an alarm anyway if you don’t respond to it for 30 minutes? If I didn’t respond to my kitchen timer alarm – I would burn the dinner.  I do not get it.)
• Mom does not sleep
• Mom prays – for family friends and strangers - one whose baby is facing much more serious health problems, another who is having several post partum complications, others with finacial woes and relationship strains, wisdom for the single mom raising her teenage daughter alone and my mom who had knee replacement surgery yesterday
• It is morning now – Daniel is still fairly fussy, mostly sleeping and is not interested in eating or drinking
• We await to see what today will bring
• Mom could use a Starbucks coffee (so much for the “fat face” plan this week – good thing I’ve learned to be flexible)
• The perfect peace that passes all understanding continues to permeate my heart and mind….thank you Lord! Thank you all for your love, support, concern & prayers

 ”You (God) will keep in perfect peace 
 him whose mind is stayed on you, 
 because he trusts in you.

Trust in the LORD forever,  for God, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.”

Isaiah 26:3-4

This is a passage from the daily scripture reading I have sent to my email inbox and this morning it could not be any more appropriate and applicable to my current life situation. 

Life is so very unpredictable.  One day we are enjoying a fabulous fall day in gold country and Apple Hill –

and the next day we are in the midst of a fight against a raging MRSA staph infection that is attacking our littlest ones body with vengeance.  Yes life is unpredictable, unstable and fragile….

…..but God is the solid rock on which I can stand.  Not because He promises that life’s circumstances will always be perfect or happy, healthy and prosperous…but because He is unchanging, unshakable and immovable in His love, mercy and goodness towards us. He demonstrated that great love by sending His only Son to sacrifice  his life for us that we might live eternally. This is someone who I can put my trust in completely. If He never did another thing for me (which believe me he has done in abundance for me and my family)…His death on that cross is enough for me to trust Him implicitly and without question.

We have been here before, almost three years ago to the day, my then 2 1/2 year old daughter, Joy was hospitalized as a “treatment failure” for MRSA and it was touch and go for several days.   It was the first time since becoming a mother in 1989 that I was faced with a life threatening situation with one of my children and let me tell you…I had a tough fight with my fears and feelings. I wanted to trust God. I wanted to relinquish my control. I wanted to have “perfect peace”.  HOWEVER, I did not.  I kept looking at the “facts” (do not look up MRSA on the Internet if you want peace).  I kept thinking that there should be something I could “do” about the situation or that my power as a loving Mommy should make everything all better (it could not).  In reality nothing helped until I gave it all over to God, admitted my complete helplessness and agreed to trust Him…no matter what the outcome. (Yes…I said that hard prayer….not my will Lord…but yours!) Then the peace came….like a flood washing over my entire being.  Yes, I was still exhausted from the sleepless nights in the hospital at my baby girls side. Yes, I still prayed desperatly for complete healing. And yes, in my humanity I wanted to just wake up from this bad dream and resume life as normal.  But as I daily trusted the Lord to take control of my life….I was filled with peace and I was standing firm on the solid rock of faith.

As I lay here in bed next to my feverish baby boy whose soft pathetic cries are enough to break a mothers heart…I can honestly say that I have peace. I have peace because I trust that God is in control. (no God is not shocked, taken aback or surprised this morning that my little boy has MRSA) I have peace because God is my rock.

Perhaps someone reading this post today is in need of perfect peace – whether it is a devastating diagnosis, a broken relationship, depression, troubling times, overwhelming circumstances, personal economic crisis or a “life & death” situation – may you keep your mind “stayed” on Him and put your trust not in yourself, not in your doctors or the medical field, not in any other man or woman, not in the government or Wall Street but put your trust in God and stand on the rock!

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Michelle – my – Belle….

 

I should be asleep but I can do that on the airplane tomorrow, right?

 

I just couldn’t go to bed without taking a moment to write you a letter on the eve of this monumental day in your life – your first day of college.  It grips my heart to even type those words out as I know that this is truly a season of change in all of our lives.  We will all never be the same again.  In some ways that is really very sad but in many, many other ways this change is exciting and a time for rejoicing and celebration.

 

I am sad that we will not get to physically live in the same house – enjoying that day to day contact that we always take for granted.  I will miss the hugs, the smiles, the snuggling on the couch, the kisses goodnight, our family dinners and movie nights, playing games together and the long talks about life, love and the Lord. It is just not the same without you there.

 

I am sad that “the sisters” will not have you there to look to for wisdom, advice, mentoring and spontaneous late night family room chats.  I am sad that you will not be there to cheer them on in their sporting events, watch their performances, help them with homework, drive them to activities, and celebrate their birthdays and other milestones. I am also sad that Daniel will change so much over these next four years and that our long hoped for adopted brother may arrive when you are not there to welcome him to the family.

 

Yet even with this sadness…I am rejoicing that you are going to grow, mature and be filled with knowledge and wisdom.  These next four years will build on the foundation your father and I have laid and you will “be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water and in whatever you do, you will prosper!” (Psalm 1)

 

I am rejoicing that you will make lifelong friends who will be a blessing to you and you to them.  Friends who you will inspire, motivate, challenge, influence and love, as they will you.  Friends who will become like family that you can count on and trust. Friends who our family will embrace as our own.

 

I am rejoicing that we as a family will all learn to appreciate each other more and not take our time together for granted.

 

I am rejoicing that you will be making precious memories that will last a lifetime!

 

I am rejoicing that as God’s plan for your life begins to unfold that you will be filled with wonder, awe and amazement at all that He is doing in and through you.

 

I am rejoicing that our love and the ties that bind us together are based in the Lord Jesus and that NEVER changes.

 

And I am also rejoicing that we live in a time of technology that will keep us tightly connected via cell phones, email, text messages, webcam, facebook and we will even promise to write old fashioned letters! (they called it mail – you remember with paper, pen and stamps!)

 

This is a BIG day for you, a changing of seasons and a monumental moment in time. I am so very proud of you. I believe in you. And I am standing in the wings cheering for you.

 

My prayer for you today, tomorrow and always -

 

Michelle, may the Lord bless you and keep you.  May the Lord make His face to shine upon you.  May the Lord be gracious unto you and give you peace.

 

I love you.  Zoot! Zoot!

 

Mommy

Today my third daughter, Kristen will begin her freshman year at Jim Elliot Christian High School.  I have to tell you my heart is breaking a little.  I know all to well that this day is like the bang of the starting gun that marks the final race of her time home with us.  The next four years will go by with accelerated speed. Why am I so melancholy?  It is just that I simply love being with my children.  I love every age and every moment.  I am not pining away waiting and wishing for them to grow up & get out of the house.  In fact there is no one I would rather be with than each of my children (and my dear darling Dan!).

Here is my letter to Kristen as she begins her race through high school.

My dear precious Kristen,

 

It just seems like yesterday that you were turning four years old and promising me that you would never get any older.   Here we are a decade later and you are 14 years old, beginning your high school years today.  Why has the time flown by so fast?  I so wish that I could keep this monumental day of change from happening and that we could do the past ten years all over again.  Yet at the same time I am so excited for all that high school will bring to you.

 

I can’t even begin to tell you what a joy and help you have been to my life.  You are such a blessing to me in so many ways.  As a little girl you were always so sweet, loving and good….truly the easiest child I have ever raised.  You always looked for ways to please and you were so very obedient.  Your very presence brought peace into my heart and life.  The Lord must have known that I needed you in the midst of some of those crazy and often stress filled days of your childhood.  As you grew and matured, I came to depend on you for so many things.  You were diligent in your chores, responsible with your school work, hard working in everything you did and always willing to go the extra mile and help me with anything and everything I asked. (Including running errands with me, no matter how boring they were, massaging my feet and taking care of your younger siblings)  I am going to miss having you at home more than you will ever know.

 

Kristen, you are going to excel during your years at Jim Elliot.  You are smart, talented, athletic, friendly and influential. Because you are such a strong committed Christian who is kind, caring and compassionate, you will be a fabulous example to everyone around you.  You are responsible, diligent, mature and hard working which will pay off in many ways as you walk through these next four years.  I am so proud of not only who you are now but I know that you will continue to give me cause to praise the Lord in the years ahead.

 

I am praying for you as you begin your high school journey.  Seize the day!  Take advantage of every opportunity. Get involved. Make memories. (And take pictures!) Be a friend to all. Have no regrets. Make good choices. But above all Glorify God in everything!

 

I love you so very much.

 

Mommy

 

P.S.  Thanks for spending your time, the night before school started, once again doing things to help me – putting up the school – “Decade of Discipleship” banner and wrapping birthday gifts for your baby sisters friends. You are amazing!

 

 

I love it that she is not embarrassed to be photographed the first day of school by her Mom or dress as “twins” with her sister!  What awesome confidence she has.

Wasn’t it just yesterday that you were this small Kristen?  Makes me savor the moment because in a just a breath Daniel will be heading out the door to high school.

The first photo is the thermometer on our back porch which reads 86 degrees at 7:50pm tonight.  The second photo is our thermostat inside our home which reads 91 degrees!  What’s wrong with this picture?  I’ll tell you!

It is just WRONG that it is cooler outside my house than it is inside when I have the air conditioning running full blast all day, with fans blowing in every room, every curtain drawn & all the lights turned off.  Just plain wrong!

Ok….so here we are again – the temperatures are soaring in the San Joaquin Valley and our air conditioning looks to have gone on the blitz (it runs but doesn’t cool the house….at all…obviously).  We have been here before.   Eleven years ago the original air conditioning (most likely 30 years old) died at a very inconvenient time – the very beginning of summer and dear darling hubby and I were without any source of income during a huge life changing transition.  Yikes! My Mom came to the rescue loaning us the money to get a new system that worked AWESOME.  Unfortunately a couple summers ago things began to stop working well and after an entire week of repairmen  troubleshooting to try to get it up and going again….we found ourselves $900 poorer and with an air conditioning unit that would only ever cool the house down to the low 80’s.  Although this did not make this very “hot blooded” gal too happy, I have lived with it, trying hard not to complain. (and FYI 85 actually feels cool when it is 105 outside)

That brings us to last Friday – the first extremely HOT day of the summer where the mercury hit 105 and the air conditioner decided to quit working again all together! I was miserable and mad.  It is doubly painful because while the weather in Stockton always cools down in the evenings to a very comfortable and beautiful level which I enjoy immensely (and is one of my all time favorite aspects of California summers) but despite opening all the doors and windows the inside of our house just doesn’t cool off without the help of a working air conditioner.  Thus after midnight on Friday it was still 89 degrees in my house and I could not sleep even after taking a cold shower and lying in bed soaking wet with two fans blowing in my room.  In fact the coolest it ever got all night was 84 – YUCK!

Things did not improve over the weekend!  Saturday was another whopping 105 degree day and today topped off at 98.  And the inside temperature consistently stayed in the 90’s until well after 9pm, and then only creeping down ever so slowly throughout the night.

It is so hot in my house during the day that the candles are “sweating”, the chocolate chips turned into one large blob and the butter left out after breakfast began to melt away in just minutes!

It is so hot that it just zaps everyone of all their energy.  No motivation to clean, work or even play in the hot house.

So what have we done to survive the scorching heat wave with no AC?  During the day we have -

• hung out anywhere there was air conditioning – the grocery store, Home Depot, Target, the Mall, Starbucks, friends homes, church, even the car - you name it we have been there & lingered much longer than we needed to.
• spent much of the day at the neighborhood swimming pool.  Even me, “the mom”…who rarely gets in the pool preferring to only take a quick dip and then sit on the deck with a cold drink and a good book…was in the water almost the entire time and to the amazement of my kids even got my hair wet! (note to self – spend more time in the water with the kids – even when the AC does work!)

• We have escaped the hot house in the evening by setting up a make shift family room outside.  Saturday night we blew up air mattresses brought the TV & DVD player outside, made fresh ice cold lemonade and root beer floats and enjoyed the cool evening watching a movie in the backyard.  When it was still too hot after midnight to go to sleep inside our house we just slept outside on the air mattresses all night! 

At least we are making memories!

It is now 12:30am – after a slight (7 degrees) dip in the temperature today – the house is still in the mid 80’s and I am in my bathing suit in front of a fan with the back door open (listening to Dan & Rebekah watch a movie outside – the other girlies have left to an air conditioned home they are house sitting for the evening).  Here I sit pondering what to do?  If finances were flowing freely – I would have called someone out on Friday and paid to fix it immediately – but that is not the case.  Besides a two year down turn in our financial situation (and before that we were not living the “high life”)…in just the past 2 weeks we have been dealt some financial blows to the tune of several thousands of dollars -

• Discovering termites in our garage and having to have them treated to the tune of well over $1,000. (you can’t really let that go…at least I think) Check out this picture of those little buggers

• The fuel pump went out in Dans car (and the car AC hasn’t worked in months which would be ok except the windows wouldn’t roll down either – talk about cooking your insides)  Obviously we had to fix his car since it is his only transportation to work.  “Ching Ching” – more unexpected cash out the window. On a side note  throughout the majority of our lives together, my dear darling hubby has driven pretty well worn beat up cars that were on their “last leg”.  Several were friends “cast off” cars while others were the cheapest cars we could afford.  We always say he drives by “faith & fumes”.  His current wheels have lasted 5+ years (much to the amazement of the guy we bought it from for $2,000 in 2003) – check out this picture – after a recent accident (Dan was not driving – this was attributed to a newly licenced driver in our home) and no it will not be repaired. (Dan, if you are reading this, know that I am believing that someday I will drive the “junk car” and you can have your dream truck.  It just might not happen until we are 70!)

• Medical bills came due from a trip to the Emergency Room in an ambulance last March while we were in Santa Cruz,  when baby Daniel had a very scary episode and trouble breathing in the middle of the night. (we have a new large deductible plan at Dans job that is not working so well for us)
• I had a back molar break a few weeks ago and am now in need (this is not a want) of a crown. (Typically a $500-$800 bill after insurance) Not to mention my recent back problems where I sought the help of a chiropractor which is not covered under our insurance)

All of those expenses came up after we made the decision to use the remainder of our tax stimulus rebate (after donating some of it for a Jim Elliot Scholarship) to finish off our garage as inexpensively as possible to make space for a boys bedroom. (click here to read about that – I’ll be posting an update tomorrow as well. If you are new to the blog and want to know why we need a boys bedroom it is because we want to adopt a baby brother – for that whole story click here) Now we have that additon started and all the remaining rebate money has been used for these unexpected situations….but we can’t exactly leave it not completed.

 Whew!  It can all be overwhelming and if I analyze everything too long I might just feel so defeated that it paralyzes me. 

So yes….I ponder what to do about the air conditioning.

• Do we just “live with it” – knowing that the next two months we will have mostly 90+ days and if it is a normal Stockton summer there will be at least one “heat wave” of 110+ sweltering days(what a sobering thought that perhaps the inside temp might hit over 100!)? I won’t be able to hold workshops here for my business which will result in less money coming in. I will have to find creative things for my kids to do outside of the home & still figure out how to do my JECHS development job that I do from my home. (working on my lap top at Barnes & Noble?) Cooking in an already hot home is very stressful and will have to be dealt with as well because we do not eat out.  The list multiplies as I think of living in a “hot house” all summer & throughout most of September too.
• Do we call someone out to look at it (and pay for the service call), get an idea of what we are facing and the costs…knowing that we don’t have the money to do anything?
• Do we just take out a loan and live on “beans & rice” for the next few years as we pay it off?
• Does Dan look for a “night job” to pay for it?

I honestly do not know the answers to these questions.  What I do know is this:

1. God is not shocked or surprised by this turn of events in our lives
2. God is in control
3. God has the answer and He will give us wisdom, if we ask Him in faith. (The Bible promises that if we ask for wisdom He WILL give it to us)

Check out this chapter from the book of James in the word of God -

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like flowering grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away. Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

With that word of encouragement, I think I will consider it “all joy” now and go to bed.  I hope that any of you out there who are facing financial hardships and needing to know what to do (and with the struggling economy, I am sure there are many) – that you are encouraged.  Let’s all ask God for wisdom and faith.